My mother and other women
Mar 2, 2020
She was born in a little village in interior Tamil Nadu, famous
for its paddy fields and its rustic beauty. She had two sisters and a brother. One of her sisters was widowed
when she was just twelve. It was the era of child marriage in India. It was also the era when girls stopped
going to school after they came of age. But she was so wicked smart that her mother couldn't stomach stopping
her education. So she kept her periods a secret until she finished tenth grade. She was the first girl to finish
tenth grade in her family. She was my maternal grandma.
My maternal grandma, and my mother with me on her lap
My maternal grandma gave birth to four daughters.
Much to the dismay of her family, there were no sons. The first daughter was a skilled singer who could belt
out carnatic music tunes and mesmerize everyone around her. The second daughter was my mother. My mother was
not "the brainy one", like her own mother had been, but she finished high school. She was the first woman to
finish high school in the family. She found herself a job in Chennai doing manual labor in a factory, the
first woman to be employed in the family.
March is celebrated in the US as the Women's history month. Every March, I think of the kind of women my
own mother and my grandma had been. I think of how every generation of these women had pushed the
envelope just little bit further for those who came after. Just a bit more education, just a few more
years of employment, just one more seat at the table. Every generation paved the way for the next
generation to do more "impossible" things. I think of all the courageous and brilliant women
that paved the path for me in my own life.
There was my paternal grandmother who was intensely fiery, hard-working, and independent. She didn't have more than an eighth-grade education, but she was a force to reckon with. She had determination, and OPINIONS! There was my aunt who had not just a job, but a career - the first woman I knew who had a career and valued it. She told me once, and I paraphrase, "Raji, you need to have a job so you could buy a tube of lipstick without waiting for your husband's approval". That was a significant lesson for me, what I call "the tube of red lipstick moment" in my life. I realized that I had to have a paying job so I could shape my life as I wanted it.
There was my paternal grandmother who was intensely fiery, hard-working, and independent. She didn't have more than an eighth-grade education, but she was a force to reckon with. She had determination, and OPINIONS! There was my aunt who had not just a job, but a career - the first woman I knew who had a career and valued it. She told me once, and I paraphrase, "Raji, you need to have a job so you could buy a tube of lipstick without waiting for your husband's approval". That was a significant lesson for me, what I call "the tube of red lipstick moment" in my life. I realized that I had to have a paying job so I could shape my life as I wanted it.
My "tube of red lipstick" aunt with my brother and me
I continue to work hard so I can support myself and shape my future as I want it. Every girl and every woman should make the choice of who she wants to be. Whether it is a CEO or a scientist or a teacher or a blogger or fashion designer or a stay-at-home mother with OPINIONS - success is possible. I believe you should feel empowered to choose your destiny. You should feel brave enough to lean in. You should feel confident to ask for boundaries and support from your family and significant-other. You should feel courageous to be visible to the next generation of women so they can see all the possibilities in front of them.
My mother didn't live long enough to see the kind of woman I'd become. She didn't get to see the firsts that I'd accomplish in my own life - the first woman in the family to get a post-graduate degree, the first to run a marathon, the first to speak to a gathering of thirty thousand tech professionals and so on. When she was just thirty-two, unexpectedly, she died. March 2nd 1983 is the exact date of my mother's passing away. So March has extra significance in my heart. On this day, I think of her and I think of all the women in my life. Of all the hardships they endured, all the ceilings they broke, so I could be here today. If my mother had lived, I hope I would have made her proud.
Happy Women's History month!